I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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