I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
