Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize