Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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