i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
