Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
