God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
These tits shall not be calmed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
