We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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