And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
