ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
