The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
