mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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