Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
