I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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