Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
