Your face is a jimmy john
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
