I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
