his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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