Don't you send me to vm
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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