Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize