i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have post one night stand depression
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
