I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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