I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
