you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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