We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
