Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
