I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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