i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
