we have pet lesbian snakes
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
