This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
