dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
