i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
