I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
