bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
