it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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