Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
