We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
