we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
