Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize