idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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