He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
