She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
