there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He did a backflip because drugs
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
