I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
