You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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