woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
