it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
