Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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