Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
