i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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