you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
