I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
