Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
