i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
