You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im part way to drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
