do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
