Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
