i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
