I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
