So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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