dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
