You really coming over, don't trick.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
