in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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