no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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