Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
our cab driver is having phone sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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