i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
