When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
