Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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