it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
