sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
