can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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