Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
