We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
