Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
