Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
not ubering you a puppy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
