I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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