If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this boner is exhausting
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
