You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
