dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
