i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
