My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
