Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
