So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
