1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
