we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
