guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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