That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
