I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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