fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
