I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
