I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
