I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize