it was like his penis was on wheels.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
