I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
