Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
