Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
