This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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