...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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