hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
