im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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