Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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