we're blogging at a bar
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
