OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
