I need to stop coming to work sober
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
