Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
