I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Boobs speak an international language.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
