Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
