there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
