i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
