He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
